Firearms are currently illegal on college campuses in the States. But in recent news, a bill in Texas that would legalize students to carry weapons to school is close to approval. The oh so obvious logic behind this potential piece of legislation is that anyone will possess the ability to defend themselves at school just in case a gunman decides to come and kill people (the most recent incident being Virginia Tech). Very practical, eh?*

If this bill passes, students will start off the school year by packing a nine-millimeter next to their calculus book in their Jansports. Gun stores will have back to school sales for incoming freshmen and backpacks will have designated slots not only for water bottles but also for pistols.

But legal firearm possession on college campuses is just about as safe and appropriate as wizards carrying wands at Hogwarts, right Jeff? Right???

No.

Proponents of the bill point out the statistic recorded in 2006, stating that adults with legal licenses for possession of a concealed handgun committed .25% of all crimes in Texas for that year. They claim that these proud gun owners are super duper responsible people who could possibly never misuse their handguns, because of the amazingly rigorous process that is required to attain the license:

  1. Criminal background check. We don’t know if you’re going to kill anyone in the future, but if you haven’t, you can have a gun!
  2. Special training course. If you don’t know how to use a gun but you want one, we’ll teach you how!
  3. 21 years of life experience. Old enough to pee? Old enough to shoot!

Sadly enough, the shooters at Columbine were kids with A’s and B’s on their report cards, with no records of any criminal history whatsoever. They were clever, sweet psychopathic liars who could easily pass a background check and acquire arms. Background checks don’t prove shit.

I don’t know about you, but I am a college student. I do not feel remotely comfortable walking on campus around students with guns. That cute girl you see on Sproul sitting on Memorial Glade? Think twice before you say ‘hi.’ Compact semi-automatic Smith & Wesson stuffed in hot pink Chrome bag. Old Pasty Male Professor of UGBA 10 who likes Asian boys hits on you during office hours, asks you out for dinner? Think twice before you say ‘no.’ 1930s vintage Enfield revolver hidden in redwood desk. Homeless guy on Sproul who asks you for a dime?  Think twice before you say ‘fuck off.’ Shotgun hidden in sleeping bag next to sign that says “need money for 420.” 

Talk about paranoia. Even professors will probably have to think twice before failing a student in a class.

Let’s face it, guns and school mix as well as oil and water do. School is a microcosm of the world – you got your cool kids, your jocks, your nerds, your embittered antisocial kids, psychopaths… you name it. Mix in drugs and alcohol and raging hormones – all indisputably available at any college campus in America, and you have hundreds of thousands of potential kill zones in every state in America. UCPD will have to play many more games of Clue and Whodunnit if firearm possession is ever legalized on the campus of UC Berkeley.

But then again, I guess this is how the world works on a global level, right? How do you dispel nuclear threats of other countries? You get your own nukes.

Maybe this is just a political ploy for Texans to distract everyone from the real issue at hand – the possibility of secession.

Don’t mess with Texas, or rather, Texan Students.

As always, I welcome your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

*(oh god im turning Canadian.  ::shakes fists at vivek and jim::)